My New Year’s Resolution

Usually when a new year rolls around, I am full of inspiration.  My birthday is a week before Christmas and so for me, I am starting a new year of life and a new calendar year around the same time.  (With a couple big celebrations in between!)  Since I naturally am very future-oriented in my thinking, I get inspired to dream about the new year ahead of me.  I make goals and plans and find new dreams.  I love it.

This year, however, was different.  Going into 2014, there wasn’t the same type of enthusiasm or inspiration.  My ideas for what this season of my life was going to be had been altered for various reasons and the last year or so, while full of blessings, had also been touched by tragedy and uncertainty.  Quite frankly, I was weary and not on the steadiest of footing.  If I had been forced to think it through, I think I would have realized that my goal for the year was simply to survive it and move beyond the dreariness of the previous season so I could be excited and inspired again. Going into the Holiday Season, I felt the Lord graciously whispering to my heart that this next year I was to simply “be”.

I will admit, I am a “doer” by nature.  I like to have lists and I like to check things off of them.  I also am not always the most patient when it comes to getting things done. If an idea gets in my head, my natural tendency is to plunge right in and do it–often without considering too carefully the cost.  However, my husband tends to be more deliberate and strategic with his actions.  That, along with our ever increasing family, has slowed me down quite a bit.  (And, I mean that in a good way!)  Rest is a value in our home and while we work hard and are quite busy, we also make sure that we have days and moments of rest.  So, I wasn’t quite sure what this whole “being” thing looked like.  But, I began to ponder it in my heart.

As I did, I realized that there was a new layer of life and freedom being uncovered in me.  I also realized that the process of uncovering it was a bit painful, as it required peeling back layers I had built up as protection over my heart.  But, I made a commitment to myself that this year my priority would be to “be”.  Something happened that made me embrace this process more dramatically than I would have chosen.

It occurred when I went in for a routine ultrasound.  (If you are reading this and don’t know me, baby number seven is due in May!)  At the ultrasound, because of various complications with the placenta and umbilical cord, I was put on restricted activity.  Thankfully, I was not put on bedrest.  However, much about my daily life had to be altered.  I no longer had the option to “do” many things that my daily life requires.

I will admit there are certain perks to this at times. (For example, not “being able” to take the dog out during the arctic days of winter–that was a real shame.)  But, many more times it has caused me to be reliant on other people or to simply adjust my ideal.  (I mean, why do floors need to be mopped regularly anyway? People all over the world live on dirt floors and they survive just fine!)  But, beyond learning to ask for help or letting little things go, this time has allowed me to simply “be” with my family.  There are still things that have to be accomplished, for sure.  But, my eyes aren’t so quick to see the tasks that have been left undone.  My focus isn’t on the things yet to be accomplished. I’ve realize that sometimes in the past, even my “family time” was a lot like a task on my to-do list.  Play a game.  Check.  Read a story.  Check.  Connect with kids.  Check.

It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy doing those things.  But, often they were more of a task to be completed than a genuine outflow of a heart connected to family life.  Thankfully, that has begun to change.  Now, I am finding myself much more thankful for the time that I have with my family.  When I am around them, I am able to focus more on them, learning to “be” in the moment, not just looking on to the next item to accomplish on my list.  And, it has been so much fun!

While I am looking forward to the day my restrictions are lifted, I know that this lesson will live on long after this time is simply a memory.  And, for that, I am very thankful.